Satellite Heart
by Kiizzababy
Summary: What happens to the Addizzie relationship when Addison goes for a visit in LA and doesn't return? AU with some parts from Grey's & Private Practice. Fluffy & porny.
1. So pretty, so smart

_This is my first ever fanfic that i've written, so be nice (truthful, but nice =p)  
I wrote this for Laura so i'm dedicating this to her, thanks for betaing this for me :) Yaayy now you've got another Addison/Izzie fic to read!_

* * *

Addison stares at her bedroom window watching the raindrops trickling down as if they're all racing to the bottom. It's raining in LA, such a rarity which makes Addison smile, she thinks back to when she was in Seattle, how she hated the rain so much yet now she misses it. The rain is a horrible reminder of her divorce, of cheating and of heartache but it also holds amazing memories of when she and Derek tried to make things work, of miracles happening and of course of her time with Izzie.

Isobel Stevens was the one and only person, who truly understood the real Addison Forbes Montgomery, there was no one like Izzie. Addison remembered the first time she laid her eyes on her. The brown eyed, blonde haired beauty took her breathe away, she was gorgeous. Addison even remembers avoiding her for her first few weeks at Seattle Grace because she thought that if Izzie spoke to her, she would be too distracted by the beautiful woman standing in front of her to be able to think of the words that she wanted to say. Luckily no one noticed as everyone knew the Addison/Derek/Meredith situation and how all of Meredith's friends had taken her side, so were automatically against Addison which in fact made it easier for Addie to avoid Izzie, as Izzie was doing the same thing.

The day that Addison had been dreading was here, Izzie Stevens was her intern. As much as she loved to secretly look at the young woman from a distance, now she was genuinely scared because this time there was no way to avoid her, today she had to talk to her and look at her without _looking at her_. There weren't many things which Addison believed to be challenging; after all she was a 'Forbes Montgomery' and everyone knows that nothing is too difficult for them to handle, but Addison couldn't deny that today would be a real challenge for her.

Addison was interrupted when she heard footsteps and then a rather impatient *ahem* As she looked up from the chart she was reading she saw Izzie standing in front of her looking less than impressed to be there.

"I'm here Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, so what do you want me to do?" Izzie said.

Addison knew what she really wanted to say was, "_Give me something to do as far away from you as possible because your husband hurt my friend and I don't want anything to do with you_."

At that point Addie really wished that she could send Izzie to do something far away as well, but if she had to spend the day ignoring the beauty of this woman then Izzie would have to suck it up and act professional too.

Over the next few weeks Addison and Izzie continued to work together, Izzie showed real potential in the OB/GYN field and of course was good with the babies as well. Addison loved that she could have Izzie around for her benefit as well as the patients, and no one would get suspicious because they knew what a caring person Izzie was and how perfectly suited she was for this field. Although Izzie acted professional even when she didn't like Addison, Addie wished there was something she could do to at least be at the point where her and Izzie could have a conversation about something other than a patient.

A week later Addison's divorce to Derek was finalized and they both went back to work like nothing had happened. _I should be sad,_ Addie thought to herself _I should feel.. something. _But she didn't so she carried on with what she was doing. Her morning started the same as usual, meet an always keen but impatient Izzie at the nurse's station and get the first patient's chart, ask Izzie to read it to her and then question her on diagnosis, different treatments etc. The rest of the day went on the same, no births, no surgeries, just a quiet day until midafternoon. Addison doesn't know what triggered it but all of a sudden while in a patient's room she had to excuse herself and began running in her black Louboutin's towards the exit. She barely made it into her car before she was unable to hold them in any longer and she burst into tears. A few minutes later she heard a knock at the window and then saw the blonde haired beauty signal for her to wind down the window.

"Dr. Montgo- Addison, are you okay?" Izzie asked in a sympathetic voice so different from her usual tone.

Addie wiped her eyes, "Yeah, thanks."

Izzie wasn't convinced, "You're not a very good liar.."

Izzie winked as she proceeded to walk around to the opposite side of the car and hop into the passenger seat, "Now, tell me what's wrong, for real."

Addison found instant trust in Izzie and told her all about what had happened before work and how she didn't feel anything, and then all of a sudden something just clicked inside her and all the hurt and pain of cheating and Derek leaving, then coming to Seattle and trying to make their marriage work when he was in love with Meredith, it all just come flooding back to her and she couldn't stop the tears from coming. Izzie was surprisingly understanding Addison thought, for someone who seemed to hate her so much, at this moment she also seemed to care about her a lot. They chatted for a while longer then decided that they should get back inside before someone realized that they were gone.

Just before they walked through the doors Izzie turned to Addie and smiled, "Everyone's wrong about you, you know. You're not so bad, you made a mistake and you didn't even know that Meredith existed. Derek's the one that we should all be angry at, not you.. I'm sorry Addison."

**Tell me what you think. Review please? **


	2. Such a waste of a young heart

_Laura wanted me to write her a porny/smutty (same thing?) fic. But i've made it fluffy too as you can see from the first chapter. Beta-ed again by Laura, thanks bb._

* * *

Addison was awoken by a soft voice, "Addison," Izzie whispered "it's 5am, wake up!"

Addison's eyes fluttered open and she realized that she was not lying in her own bed like she had first thought. As she gazed around the room she noticed that she in fact was not in her own house either. Considering Izzie was there, this must be her house Addison thought but how had she gotten there? And what was she doing in Izzie's bed? She closed her eyes for a brief moment and that's when it all came rushing back to her.

After getting to know each other and being friends for a few weeks Izzie asked Addie if she would like to get a drink after work, so they went to Joe's to have _a drink _which turned into _countless drinks._ They danced and sang and made complete fools of themselves but they didn't care because they were having fun. When their legs were too sore to dance and throats too sore to sing anymore they caught a cab home.. to Izzie's place. Addison thought nothing of it because although she found Izzie to be very attractive she had never said anything or shown how she felt in anyway. They entered the house and Addison sat on the couch while Izzie went to get them some water and aspirin to save their heads in the morning. When she returned she placed the glasses of water on the coffee table and began walking in the direction of the stairs and when she got close, she paused, half turned and held a hand out in Addie's direction. Slightly confused Addison proceeded to grab it and was lead up the stairs and into Izzie's bedroom.

_Could this be? _ Thought Addison as she stared into the dark brown eyes of the woman in front of her. She'd never really picked Izzie for the experimental type or even to be one who was attracted to the same sex, so she was more than slightly surprised when Izzie stood before her and proceeded to take her clothes off. Although this was definitely hot and Addie would have only imagined that something like this could happen in her wildest dreams, she was nervous; she had never _been _with a woman before. She was attracted to them, yes, but no one had ever known this except for her and so as to keep it secret she had only ever slept with men. Izzie then removed her pants and grabbed Addison by the hips and pulled her in closer, and that's when Addie felt a warm tongue slip into her mouth.

_Just go for it_ she thought as she began to kiss the hot blonde back, she sighed _this was incredible, just amazing_. Izzie's remaining clothes were removed before she started undressing Addison. The two moved towards the bed where Izzie ever so softly placed Addie down and kneeled over top of her. They began kissing again although not quite as soft as before. Addie thought to herself _how could this get any better?_ Then she felt the hand moving down her naked body, past her breasts and stomach and onto her thigh. The kissing stopped when Izzie's fingers began to rub at Addison's clit, she smiled but before she could say or do anything she felt Izzie's whole body moving downwards and then, a tongue. She licked up and down Addison's thighs and giggled, what a tease she was! The suspense was killing her! Addison was getting hornier by the second and then there it was, Izzie's tongue had reached Addie's clit and had begun to do amazing things. Addison let out a soft whimper then she closed her eyes as she lost control of her body.

She clung to the sheets before screaming "OH MY GOD IZZIE!" and then coming.

Addison couldn't recall a time where she had had such a mind blowing orgasm as that, Izzie definitely knew what she was doing. Izzie moved to lay next the still panting Addie who turned to stare at her in amazement, _"Thank you.." _Addie said with a smile but knowing that _'thank you'_ was not nearly enough to show her appreciation for what Izzie had just done for her. Izzie smiled back then kissed her on the cheek, before both women drifted off to sleep.

**Review please :)**


	3. I'm a satellite heart

_Apparently i flick from past to present tense, sorry about that guys but i'm sure you can still understand it. Also i'm not sure what season this is meant to be set it, possibly season 3 but might seem like season 2 or 4, whatever it's my own season. Beta-ed by Laura._

* * *

"_Do you think we should tell people?"_ Izzie asked Addison one morning while making her famous French toast.

_"Tell them what exactly?"_ Addison replied with a raised eyebrow.

_"You know, about us, our relationship. Addie, we have been together for over a month now and George and Meredith are getting suspicious. They believed me the first time you stayed over, when I told them that you were so drunk that you forgot where you lived, so I brought you home. But now every time I walk through the door they question where I've been and I have to lie to them. They look at me with those judgey eyes, wondering who I'm screwing now and hoping and praying to God that they won't break me again by cheating on me or worse still, dropping dead like Denny did. Addison, I can't keep lying to them and if I don't tell them they'll hear it from someone else and then they'll hate me, lying to them for all this time has been hard enough. Come on Addie, we're not doing anything wrong. I love you and I would tell the whole word if I could, but let's just tell our friends for now, please?"_

Addison smiled, _"I love you too and you're right, we're not doing anything wrong. For once I'm doing something right and people should know about it. I'm sorry you've had to lie to your friends for me, but you won't have to anymore. Let's do it."  
_

They both stopped at the entrance to Seattle Grace as they did every morning to part ways. Izzie would walk in first as she was an intern and Bailey would kill her if she was late, and Addison would follow about 2 minutes later so that no one would know that they had arrived together. The same thing would happen after work unless one of them had to stay back, in which case the other would wait for them at Joe's and then they would go back to Addie's house. But today was different, because today was the day that they would make their relationship official by telling their friends.

They began walking towards the door together as Addison turned towards Izzie, _"I'm going to find Callie to tell her, and then somehow break the news to Mark that I left him to be with a woman."_ She laughed.

_"I'll tell George, Mer & Cristina, you're not going to tell Derek?"_

Addison shrugged, _"I just assumed that he'd find out from Meredith. Wait, you're not telling Alex?"_

Izzie laughed, _"He can find out from Meredith too."  
_

"_I'm not surprised."_ Callie said after hearing the news, _"After all the men that have screwed you over, I'd be going for the women too."_

Addison laughed, _"Woman Callie, woman. Izzie is only one woman and I'm not 'going for them' this is just I don't know, different. It's special and I really love her. I would have never pictured myself with a woman, especially not one as beautiful as Izzie, but it just happened and I'm really happy."_

"And I'm happy that you're happy Addie, you deserve it." Callie's pager beeped, _"Sorry, the bones are calling but you can tell me more about this later, okay? Oh and am I meant to keep this a secret or what?"_

"Hmm, well Izzie's telling all of her friends apart from Alex and I've told you, so no. You don't by any chance want to tell Mark do you?"

"Ha! I think I'll leave that one up to you, have fun Addie."  


"_You're doing WHAT?"_ Cristina asked in her usual tone.

_"I'm dating Addison, Cristina but I wouldn't expect you to understand considering you don't even talk to your 'boyfriend' half the time. Do you even know what a relationship is? It's when two people love each other or think they will love each other, either way it's about love and not about childish games. I love Addison Montgomery and if you can't accept that, then who the hell do you think you are calling yourself my friend?"_

The locker room went silent; Meredith was the first to speak up.

_"I'm happy for you Iz, a little surprised but happy."_

"Yeah.." followed George, _"You're dating a McHottie!"_ he said with a smirk.

"_Mark, I need to tell you something_."

Mark sighed, _"What is it this time Addison? Someone else knock you up?"_

Addison was instantly filled with anger, _"Ohh you have got to be kidding me, right?! You are an ASS! Actually what I was going to tell you was that I'm dating Isobel Stevens, that's right Mark, I left you for a woman! And do you know why? Because Izzie wouldn't assume that I'm about to say that some guy knocked me up, just because I need to talk to her! What the hell has happened to you?!"_

Mark's face changed into a softer expression, _"You happened to me. I love you Addie."_

"You LOVE me? You love me. You LOVE me NOW? You've had all this time, ALL this time! And you knew how I felt about you but you wait until now to tell me this? Now that I've finally found someone who makes me happy and who loves me back? What did you expect me to say to that Mark? I love you too? I can't and I won't. I did love you and you know it but you couldn't love me back. Now I can't love you back. This is crazy, YOU are crazy.. I can't do this."

"_So, how did it go?"_ Addison asked rather enthusiastically.

_"It was okay, I guess. Mer & George seem happy for us, more so George because you're a 'McHottie' but I yelled at Cristina."_

"You yelled at Cristina?"

"She was rude! Not so much what she said, but her tone. I brought her relationship with Burke into it or 'relationship'. I shouldn't have done that, should i?"

Addie laughed, _"Probably not! But you yelled at Cristina. That's kind of.. hot."_

Izzie frowned then changed the subject to Addie, _"And… how were Mark and Callie?"_

"No problems with Callie, she said she's not surprised that I'm with a woman and she wants details! Mark on the other hand, still an ass. He's always been an ass but somehow we've still managed to have civilized conversations, this time all we did was yell. He's changed and he says it's because of me. Iz, he told me he loves me."

Izzie's jaw dropped, _"What? What did you say?!"_

"I told him he had his chance and now I'm happy with you and I love you."

"Oh, I love you too Addie. Joe's?"

"You read my mind!"


	4. Lost in the dark

_Thanks to everyone for reviewing and subscribing to my fic (is subscribing the right word for this website?) Beta-ed by Laura :)  
Some parts of this may be wrong according to Private Practice but just go with it, this is my version.._

* * *

Addison had just finished with a patient when her phone began to ring,

_"Hello…"_ she answered but got no reply, _"Hello?"_ she repeated and again received no response.

She was just about to hang up when she heard sniffling on the other end of the phone.

_"Addie.."_ The person managed to get out,

_"Nae? Is that you? What's wrong, are you okay?"_ Addison asked in a now worried voice.

_"Yes *sniff* it's me *sniff* Sam wants to get a *sniff* divorce."_

She began to cry more heavily,

_"I don't know what to do Addie, *sniff* *sniff* what do I do?"_

Addison thought back to when she and Derek had got divorced not too long ago, how she had no one and it was so horrible but then there was Izzie. _Who did Naomi have?_ She needed someone to support her and to be her shoulder to cry on but she also needed someone to take her mind off of things, at least for some parts of the day. She needed her own Izzie.

_"I'll be on a plane as soon as i can get off work, can you be strong for me until then?"_ Addison said,

_"I love you Nae and we'll find a way to get through this together, I promise."  
_

Addison quickly found Izzie and explained the situation to her, before leaving work and managing to be on her way out of Seattle by 4pm. She arrived in LA at just after 6:30pm and was greeted by a not so sad looking Naomi. _Hmm, _Addie thought to herself, _have I come all the way out here for nothing?_ But as soon as the two stepped foot out of the airport the tears began to pour. Naomi managed to compose herself until they got back to her house, where the tears started again. Addie sat down, hugged her and let her cry until she was ready to talk.

_"Sam wants a divorce."_ Naomi said slowly,

_"He just came home one day and said that our marriage wasn't working anymore and I didn't know what to say."_ She sighed as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

_"He asked me to fight Addie, he asked me to fight for our marriage but I didn't know how to. Would it of made a difference anyway? I mean, his mind was already made up so if I chose to fight would I have won?"_

Addison didn't know how to reply to what Nae had just said, because she really didn't understand how this could of happened. They were such an amazing couple, so loving and caring towards each other. Neither of them had cheated or done anything wrong as far as she could see, she was just as confused as Nae was. They didn't talk about it anymore that night, they just sat drinking wine and catching up on everything that had happened with both of them, since Addie had been in Seattle. They laughed and forgot about reality for a while.

A few days went by and Addie had begun to see some progress in Nae. Unfortunately from personal experience she knew that it would take a long time before she stopped hurting but she had changed. She was no longer blaming herself for not saving the marriage. As she had said to Addison, _would it have mattered if she did fight? Would it have worked?_ She now believed her own words instead of the words she thought that Sam would be saying to people. She could no longer love Sam, as Sam didn't love her anymore, that was something that she would have to come to terms with and she was dealing with it surprisingly well. The tears were becoming less frequent and every now and then she would look at Addie and smile, just to show how grateful she was that she was there. That night they continued their nightly ritual of drinking wine and chatting about anything but the divorce. That was when Addison told Naomi about Izzie.

This time Naomi didn't know what to say.

_"Are you happy Addie? I mean, a woman! That's surprising to say the least."_

Addison smiled, _"I am Nae, she makes me very happy. Izzie is perfect, there's no one else like her. I can spend a whole day with her and then miss her the second we're apart. It's crazy, I know. I've surprised myself too. But I saw the chance and I went for it and I guess it's paid off."_

"Good for you Addie, so I guess you'll want to get back to Seattle soon then? I promise I won't need you forever."

Addie's expression changed, _"I'm really not sure Nae. I had a big fight with Mark when I told him about Izzie & i. I know he had a right to be angry at me but he still hasn't talked to me and I told him ages ago. And of course Derek is there, everywhere I look, there he is! Ugh and his… Meredith. Need I say more?"_

"So what are you saying Addie? You don't want to go back?"

"Hmm.. maybe I don't, I could move here. I'd be close to you and I'd get to see Maya more often and you could get me a job at your practice, right?"

"Addison, is this what you really want? To leave Seattle, just like that..to leave Izzie?"

Tears began to well up in Addison's eyes, _"I love Izzie, so much. But I can't, now that I've left I just can't go back."__  
_

**Please review :)**_  
_


	5. I'm spun out so far

_Beta-ed by Laura. Pretty much this whole fic will be coz it's for her so she gets to read it first, but i'll mention her in every chapter anyway._  
_This chapter is the shortest of them all but if i added anymore to it, i somehow don't think it would be as good, see if you agree with me._

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It had been over a week since Addison had gone to LA. Izzie hadn't heard from her and was starting to worry when she didn't answer her numerous phone calls or respond to any of her voice messages, texts or emails. Addison had suggested to Izzie that she should go and stay at Meredith's house while she was away, so she wouldn't get lonely. One day when she returned there after work she found a letter addressed to her sitting on the bench. She instantly recognized the hand writing to be Addie's and she almost squealed with excitement. Still sitting in the back of her mind was why would she ignore all of Izzie's attempts at contacting and instead send a letter? She began to read:

**Dear Izzie,  
You know I love you with all of my heart and don't ever forget that, no matter what happens that will always be true. I am so sorry for what I'm about to tell you.**

Izzie paused, _this isn't what I think it is… is it? _She continued:

**Every day that I spent in Seattle, it was a struggle to just get out of bed. Knowing that I had to face the world with their judgmental eyes and fake smiles, I can't do that anymore Izzie.  
Since everything that happened with Derek and the stuff with Mark, my heart has been broken and I don't know how much more it can take.  
**

**There are too many bad memories in Seattle and being here in LA with Sam and Nae has made me realize just how badly I need to escape.  
**

**I promise you that I never planned for this to happen, I was only coming LA coz Naomi needed me but I'm so sorry Izzie.. I'm not sure that I have the strength to come back.  
**

She began to cry.

**I will send a courier to get my things in the next few days and organize what to do with the house and everything else when I can.  
**

**You brightened up my world Izzie Stevens and I will always remember that, you changed my life.  
I will miss you so much but you'll always be in my heart. I love you.  
Forever yours, Addison.**

Izzie collapsed in a heap on the floor hysterically crying, with all of these thoughts and questions running through her head.

_I don't understand, I loved her so much, we were perfect for each other and we were so fucking happy! How could she do this to me? How could someone who supposedly cared about me so much just leave me like this? Like I never meant a thing to her, like she never loved me… like it was all just a game. After all that we've been through together she doesn't even have the guts to say all of this to my face? She wrote me a letter. She wrote me a fucking letter!_

George and Meredith arrived home to find Izzie, this time on the floor of the kitchen. It was like Denny all over again. She just stared blankly in front of her, occasionally letting a few tears escape from her eyes, not saying anything. But they didn't need her to say anything; the two knew exactly what had happened. Izzie was broken, Addison had broken her heart.

**Please review and tell me what you think.**


	6. You stop I start

_Sorry this update took a lot longer than others have... i ran out of ideas and got lazy but it's here now._  
_I don't think it's as good as the other chapters but i hope it's not too bad. Beta-ed by my babe Laura _

* * *

Three months later Addison was loving her new life in LA. She had a lot less patients to worry about and sometimes she'd go through a whole day without seeing a single one. At first she hated it, _what was she supposed to do for the rest of the day when no one needed to see her?_ But then she realized that she could have some time to herself to just relax and go through her patient's charts and actually get to know them, whereas back in Seattle she would quickly look over a patient's chart and find out their name before she entered their room. Her life was close to perfect but one thing was missing, the most important thing that she had left back in Seattle, Izzie.

Not a day had gone by since she'd left for LA that she hadn't thought about Izzie. Addison didn't regret her decision to leave Seattle, she was a little apprehensive at first but now being in LA for just over three months, she knew it was the right thing to do, she really did love everything about it. Her one regret was leaving the person that she loved, being too gutless to even tell her face to face that she wasn't coming back and instead writing her a pathetic letter.

_I really am pathetic and gutless,_ Addison thought to herself while writing the letter.

_If I really loved her I wouldn't just leave her like this. If I really loved her I would go and see her to tell her, or at least call. If I really loved her… I __**do**__ really love her but I need to do this for me. I __**need **__to get away, I __**need**__ a fresh start and in order to do that, I __**need **__to break her heart. Izzie belongs in Seattle, her friends are there, her work is there and I couldn't ask her to leave that to come with me. She would want to come of course, but I know that in her heart Seattle is her home. I have to make her see that so I can't have her follow me, it's just not right._

Writing that letter broke Addison's heart just as much as she knew it would have broken Izzie's reading it. Even now looking back on what she did, it still hurts her and she hates herself for being so selfish and horrible and only thinking about how she would feel telling Izzie and having to see her reaction.

Addison sighed, _it's just the way things have to be, _she thought.

* * *

Izzie hadn't moved on either, the last few months had been absolute hell for her. George and Meredith didn't know what to do or how to help her. She was miserable and the only thing that would make her better was Addison coming back. After receiving the letter Izzie went into her depressive state for a week before she returned to work. She also started to overloaded bake again, as soon as she arrived home at night.

Packing up Addison's things was the worst.

_She couldn't even come back to pack up her own shit? Or get her things herself? She had to send a courier?! Wow, it's not like she's dead or anything._

Izzie felt so many different emotions that day, she was angry, sad, frustrated and completely and utterly heart broken. After the courier had gone Izzie was left alone sitting in Addison's empty house. She sat staring at the mantel piece where a picture of the two was still sitting; it was the only thing that she hadn't packed. After all, Addison was the one that left, why should she get the pleasure of having the picture to remember all of the good times? She walked over to the photo to take it with her but when she got closer to it she saw how happy they looked together and thought about how amazing they were, then began to cry. She sat holding the picture to her chest and crying for the next few hours.

_If love was enough_, _if tears were enough,_ she sobbed.

* * *

Since Izzie had tried to contact Addison numerous times after receiving the letter and of course got no response to anything, she decided to write Addie a letter back.

**Addison,  
"Who knows your birthday? Who knows your number? Who knows your color? Who knows your hands? Who knows the sum, the sum off all your parts?**

**Who knows your limit? Who knows your highest? Who knows your lowest? Who knows your in? Who knows that bottom, the bottom of your heart?**

**Hold on, hold on, keep holding onto me. I will love you from the bottom, no one holds you better than me. Hold on, hold on, doing the best we can. I will love you on your birthday, I will love you better than them."**

**I use to smile whenever this song would play, now it just brings me to tears.**

**I thought we were forever Addie.**

Izzie received a letter back about a week later; it was the same one that she had originally sent to Addison. She skimmed over the letter and noticed that it was covered in tear drop stains. At the bottom written in blue ink (the colour of ink that Addie would always use) was _"I'm sorry". _Izzie felt the tears start streaming down her cheeks as she read those two words. She remembered the times when something had upset her or she'd had a bad day at work, she'd come home and Addison would just hold her, kiss her forehead and stroke her long blonde hair while she cried, for hours if she needed to.

_What happened to __**that**__ Addison?_ Izzie thought.

Instead of wiping away her tears, this time she was the cause of them, something Izzie thought would never happen.

Now who was going to be there to wipe her tears away?

**Please review and tell me what you think :)**


	7. But i'll be true to you

_I'm so sorry that this chapter has taken me so much longer than the rest. I had major writer's block and then when i could think of something to write it didn't sound how i wanted it to. This chapter is a lot longer than others so hopefully it makes up for my lack of updates. It deals with some issues that may have a bad effect on some people, so i apologize in advance. Anyway i hope it's good, let me know what you think. Beta-ed as always by my babe Laura _

* * *

One winter's night, Addison had stayed back at the practice quite late, finishing up some paper work from her unusually busy day. She was the last person to leave the building and the security guard had left her in charge of locking up, because even _they_ weren't willing to stay as long as she had told them she _needed _to. She finally left at a quarter to 11 and by that stage it had turned very dark and cold outside. Addison switched on the alarm and locked up, then buried the keys into her pockets and wrapped her arms around herself to try and shield her body from the cold, harsh night's wind.

_Hmph_ she complained as she started to walk.

_Why did I have to be late for work this morning, the same day that the festival was on at the beach and all of the car spaces were taken up for the next 2 blocks?_

She found it very difficult to walk in her black Louboutin boots, as she had that morning, but after an extended day of mostly being on her feet and now having to fight with the wind trying to push her in the opposite direction; this was not an easy walk at all. Struggling just to put one foot in front of the other as well as taking in her surroundings as to find her car, Addison was startled when she heard a noise behind her. She jumped at the slight bang in the almost silent night and cautiously turned around to look for what had made the sound. Trembling, she studied the area behind her, nothing. Silence. She continued walking before hearing the noise again. She turned around, this time a little quicker, just in time to see a cat running back into the bushes.

Addison breathed a sigh of relief _silly cat almost gave me a heart attack!_

As she continued further down the road the wind began to ease into just a breeze. She closed her eyes as she walked, to take in this now beautiful LA weather.

***BANG!* **Addison's eyes sprung open, _that stupid frea-_

Before she could even turn around she felt a hand cover her mouth. It was a big hand, a man's hand. A big scary man's hand. She tried to run away but he grabbed her arm, _tight_. She let out a little squeal _ouch_ she thought as tears began to pool in her eyes.

_Who is this person? What do they want? What.. what's going on?_

She cried but her words were muffled by the big hand, still covering her mouth.

_"SHUT UP!"_ he screamed, before removing his hand from her mouth and shoving a piece of material towards her face.

_God, help me _she pleaded before falling back unconscious into the man's arms.

Addison's eyes fluttered open and she surveyed her surroundings.

_Where am i?_ She thought, not wanting to move.

She then heard a voice _"Ohh you're awake, good. Get up!"_ the man said harshly.

Addison staggered to her feet, feeling pain rush to her head and legs simultaneously.

She looked up at him with scared, tearful eyes _"W-who are you? W-what do you want?" _she stuttered holding back the tears.

"Aahh Dr Addison Forbes Montgomery, what a pleasure it is to see you again! Don't tell me you've forgotten me so soon?" the man scoffed.

Addison rubbed her eyes and looked at him again, he looked frighteningly familiar. He had the face of a person who would haunt you in your dreams, a scarily unforgettable face. It was important that she remembered where she knew him from, why couldn't she remember?

_Ouch. _That's right, the headache.

It felt like she had been hit over the head with a baseball bat and this she knew from experience, that time when she was only young and Archer was attempting to teach her how to hit and accidentally swung when she was standing right behind him, knocking her out cold. She struggled to push the pain out of her mind and focus on remembering this man.

Suddenly it hit her, he was Brooke's husband.

* * *

Brooke Pearson had been one of Addison's patients since she was 15 years old when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She had fought hard against the disease and in the end, she won, she got to keep on living. The one thing that she dreamed about all her life was starting a family and even at the young age of 16 when she was told that she would most likely not be able to have kids, it broke her. She continued to see Addison for regular checkups as she got older and even when Addison had moved from New York to Seattle and then to LA, coincidentally Brooke's husband had moved to the same places for work, usually only weeks after Addie had got there.

At the age of 20 she fell pregnant with twins. It really was a miracle.

Addison made her come in for fortnightly checkups because she didn't want anything else to go wrong in this poor girl's life so she kept a close eye on the babies. Everything had been going well, the babies were growing at the right speed and Brooke was happy and healthy, it was all looking good until one night when Brooke was 7 months pregnant, she began cramping and was rushed to hospital.

Addison received a phone call at about 1am, _"Hello?"_ she answered sleepily,

_"Dr Montgomery? This is Dr Taylor from St Ambrose hospital. We have one of your patients Brooke Pearson here. She was brought in by ambulance."_

Addison sprung out of bed.

_"I'll be there right away, thank you."_

She threw some clothes on and was out the door in a matter of minutes.

When Addison arrived she found Brooke hunched over on the bed, screaming in pain. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up to see Addie,

_"Help me."_ She pleaded as Addison entered her room.

Addison ordered another doctor to get some drugs to ease the cramps while she examined her stomach then lifted her hospital gown, surprised that there was no blood present.

_No bleeding_ she thought to herself, _well that's a good sign._

Addison exited the room to find an ultrasound machine but when she returned it was there, the blood. It had started rather harshly and the cramps had returned too. This time there were no screams of pain, only tears. Tears of heartbreak.

_"I'm sorry."_ Addison said with sympathetic eyes but she didn't have to say anything, Brooke knew what this meant.

As Addison went to leave the room and give the woman some privacy she felt her arm being grabbed.

The tear-filled, terrified eyes of Brooke looked up at her _"Mitch is away on business back in Seattle. I'm scared Addie, I'm so scared."_ the young girl cried.

Addison herself had to hold back tears because this girl wasn't just her patient, she had become her friend. She had seen her as a healthy young teenager, then get sick, fight and beat cancer, seen her mature, get married and make a miracle and get pregnant as a young adult. Now, she was seeing her lose her miracle, or miracles.

The girl leaned her head against Addie as the tears came gushing back and Addison held her, softly whispering _"You'll be okay. You'll be okay. You'll be okay." _

Addison gulped nervously when she saw Mitch walking down the hall as she made her way out of Brooke's room the next morning. Once the young girl had finally cried herself to sleep, Addison couldn't bear to leave her there alone so she stayed; watching her sleep, wishing that there was something she could of done to prevent her going through more physical and mental pain. Surely she'd been through enough. Her childhood was filled with bruises made by her step dad and then she got cancer and now this?

_It's just not fair_ Addison thought.

Addison told Mitch what had happened and instantly she could see the sadness, the hurt in his eyes. He broke down but was strong as he entered Brooke's room; he had to be strong, for her. Later that day Addison did the dreaded job of operating on Brooke to remove what was left. She cried as she did, it was impossible to stop the tears from flowing, it was such a sad day.

Brooke left the hospital four days later with a referral to see Violet for some counseling, because there's no way someone like her could do without it.

Addison had not heard from Brooke in almost a month. She was worried about her but at the same time she remembered that they weren't really good enough friends that Brooke would contact for no reason and considering she wasn't pregnant anymore, she really had no need to visit her. A few days later Addison received a phone call from a woman who had found her business card in Brooke's bag.

_"H-Hello,"_ the woman stuttered…

_"I-I'm sorry to be calling you but I've found your business card in this uh, woman's bag. She, she uh…she's dead. She just- jumped off a.. a building. I'm sorry for telling you this but your card is the only thing I found in her bag. She looks young, maybe early 20s, brown hair..uhm."_

_Oh. My. God._ Addison froze.

_It was Brooke. Brooke was dead. Brooke had killed herself. Brooke._

Tears welled up in her eyes as she responded to the woman on the phone

_"H-her name is-was, Brooke Pearson. Can you please do something for me? Contact her husband, I-I would but I don't know him that well, I was just her doctor."_

She gave the woman his number and thanked her for letting her know, before hanging up the phone and bursting into tears.

_Brooke was gone. She was really gone._

* * *

"_M-Mitch Pearson."_ Addison stammered.

_"And here I was thinking you'd forgotten me, Doctor."_ He chuffed.

_"How-how are you, since... how are you?"_ Addison questioned.

_"How am i? HOW AM I?!"_ the man yelled, _"I'll tell you how I am. My wife DIED. My wife KILLED herself, BECAUSE OF YOU!"_ He bellowed.

_"YOU should of taken better care of her and the babies, YOU! It was YOUR job to make sure they were safe and YOU didn't do that, then she jumped off a building, because of YOU."_

Addison stared at him, not wanting to speak.

She knew it wasn't her fault; it was a miracle that the babies had even been conceived, for them to make it to full term would have been an even bigger miracle and Addison had all the hope in the world for that to happen. Unfortunately it didn't but not because of any fault of her own, or anyone else's for that matter.

Brooke had a horrible life and she ended it, with no help and no pressure from anyone else, this had been all her. Addison knew this but she also knew that the distraught, grieving man standing opposite her wouldn't believe her no matter what she said.

Addison turned her head and the next minute she was struggling to breathe. He had wrapped his big man hands around her neck and was squeezing tightly. Addison gasped for air as she tried to loosen his grip but he was too strong for her. She kept moving around praying that he would let go.

She felt her head start to get heavy, then she passed out and he released his grip.

Addison woke up in a different place from before; this place was darker and had an eerie feeling. Of course as soon as she moved Mitch was right there, standing above her, staring her down. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her up, dragging her limp legs across the ground. He pinned her up against a wall and began undressing her,

_"What are you doing?" _Addison screamed.

_"This is what you get."_ He replied,

"_You killed my wife and my babies, you caused us so much pain. Now __**you **__will know what it's like to feel pain."_

He snickered as he reached up Addison's skirt.

He ripped off her panties and began to force foreign objects into her. She tried to fight him, to make him stop. She screamed and cried, kicked and punched, but he was too strong for her. 

_"Please.."_ she begged, _"Please don't do this, let me go, please."_

But he wouldn't listen. The pain was unbearable and Addison was now too weak to fight. She stood still pinned against the wall, with her head turned to the side, shaking and crying while Mitch did whatever he wanted to her.

After a while she blacked out from shock and when she regained consciousness she awoke in the back of a car.

Addison's hands were tied together and so were her ankles, if she wasn't scared and in a lot of pain she would have almost found it amusing how unoriginal Mitch had been.

About two minutes later the car stopped and Mitch got out. He grabbed Addie and carried her into a dark alley where he dropped her onto the concrete ground. Tears rushed to her eyes as she felt more pain, this time it was her coxis bone. Mitch put his hand around her neck and lifted up her head so their eyes met.

_"You tell anyone about this and you will end up in the same place Brooke did, in the ground. But for you, it won't be as painless as jumping off a building, you will feel every little bit of pain as you die very slowly, you got that doctor?"_

He snarled then let go of her neck roughly so her body fell sideways onto the ground.

Addison lay there trembling as he got back into his car and drove away.

She couldn't move from all the pain but she needed help to get out of there. So many thoughts ran though her head; she didn't know what to do.

How would she be able to explain this to anyone without telling them what had happened?

_I couldn't, i can't die. He would know, he would know i told and i would die. I couldn't do that. Nae, Nae would tell. Nae would call the police and then I would die. And Pete and Sam, they would protect me, they would promise to protect me but there would be one moment, one moment when they weren't there and he would come and I would be dead._

Circles, Addison's brain was going around and around in circles.

_So much pain, need to get out of here, can't tell, going to die._ _So much pain, need to get out of here, can't tell, going to die. So much pain, need to get out of here, can't tell, going to die without apologizing to Izzie._

Izzie. She could call Izzie.

Addison knew how much she had hurt her but she also knew that of all people, as much as she'd want to report this monster to the police, if Addison told her not to, she wouldn't.

Addison reached for her back pocket where her phone was, the screen was smashed from her landing but it didn't matter, Addie still had Izzie's number memorized.

_"Hello?"_ Izzie answered.

_"Help me." _Addison sobbed.

**Please review and tell me what you thought :)**


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